Peter Davis: Male Mortality

From: The Tech Curmudgeon
July 10, 2012 at 07:00AM

It has come to my attention that women live longer then men. This concerns me because I myself tend to be of the male persuasion. Moreover one of the main purposes of living, as I understand it, is to stay that way. People have even been known to eat tofu and to engage in spinning just to prolong the whole “mortal coil” experience.

Now part of this gender difference is due to statistics. Historically, men have been responsible for some of the more dangerous activities, such as fighting wars, hunting ferocious beasts and standing up on roller coasters. Naturally this lowers the average life expectancy.

But more important is the evolutionary impact. After the child-bearing years, women still have a vital role to play in imparting some common sense to the offspring. Men, on the other hand, would have to wait many thousands of years for the invention of tightly-sealed jars. Even lawn mowers, which used to be called scythes, were a good ways off. (As a side note, the Grim Reaper, that lovable personification of death, is usually depicted carrying a scythe, suggesting that mowing the lawn is potentially fatal. This is why I’ve avoided it.)

Of course, now that we’ve pretty well populated the planet, there is some evolutionary basis for thinning the herd. Consequently, though once satisfied with sports like miniature golf and bowling, we now require rock climbing and bungee jumping. Fortunately, these are very egalitarian pastimes. It’s time to correct the imbalance.


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