Brendan Gannon: Ten Things That Trouble Me About Angry Birds
From: Brendan Gannon
October 15, 2012 at 01:16PM
Here are some things that trouble me about Angry Birds:
- Do the birds ever get their eggs back?
- The pigs ate them, right?
- If the eggs are gone, what do the birds hope to accomplish? When will they have claimed enough pig lives to account for the pigs’ crime?
- Or are they bent on porcine genocide?
- The tiny blue birds must have tiny eggs. No way the pigs would bother to steal them. Which suggests that the blue birds are in it just because they’re cruel, or that one of the bigger birds has coerced them into joining the suicide mission.
- If the white bird can pop out eggs at will, why would it adopt an agenda of murderous vengeance when a few are stolen? Wouldn’t a strongly-worded letter be more appropriate?
- The pigs never raise a trotter to defend themselves.
- Are the pigs (with their increasingly robust houses stocked with treasure) imperialists with a colonial agenda that involves wiping out the native bird freedom fighters? Or are the birds terrorists, driven by consuming hatred stemming from long-standing cultural differences and using a few individuals’ crimes as justification for their war on swine?
- Why don’t the pigs just get rid of the slingshots as soon as they see them go up?
- None of these animals has thumbs, which just raises more questions.