Blog Archives

Peter Davis: Ad Stalking

From: The Tech Curmudgeon
http://www.techcurmudgeon.com/2012/10/ad-stalking.html
October 19, 2012 at 01:00AM

Advertisements

Peter Davis: Round 3

From: The Tech Curmudgeon
http://www.techcurmudgeon.com/2012/10/round-3.html
October 17, 2012 at 01:00AM

Peter Davis: Round 2

From: The Tech Curmudgeon
http://www.techcurmudgeon.com/2012/10/round-2.html
October 12, 2012 at 01:00AM

Peter Davis: HPL

From: The Tech Curmudgeon
http://www.techcurmudgeon.com/2012/10/hpl.html
October 10, 2012 at 01:00AM

In an earlier post, I compared some of the magic in the
Harry Potter stories with technology that’s available today. It occurred
to me that the best use of this overlap would be to implement a computer
programming language whose built-in operators are spells from the Harry
Potter books. We will call this, naturally, HPL (Harry Potter Language).

As I first step, I’m proposing the following:

Command Effect
Accio Browse to URL
Alohomora ********
Avada Kadavra Exit program
Confundus Display engineer-written help message
Engorgio Fill available memory.
Expecto Patronum Launch a new process
Expelliarmus Eject CD
Imperio sudo
Legilimens Show stack trace
Lumos Brighten screen
Obliviate Delete
Patrificus Totalis Freeze computer1
Prior Incantato Undo
Riddikulus Can be substituted for any program written in HPL

1Redundant on Windows
systems.

Peter Davis: Snake Oil

From: The Tech Curmudgeon
http://www.techcurmudgeon.com/2012/10/snake-oil.html
October 05, 2012 at 01:00AM

Peter Davis: Round 1

From: The Tech Curmudgeon
http://www.techcurmudgeon.com/2012/10/round-1.html
October 04, 2012 at 01:00AM

Peter Davis: The Conversation

From: The Tech Curmudgeon
http://www.techcurmudgeon.com/2012/10/the-conversation.html
October 03, 2012 at 01:00AM

Peter Davis: Pre-Game Show

From: The Tech Curmudgeon
http://www.techcurmudgeon.com/2012/10/pre-game-show.html
October 01, 2012 at 01:00AM

Just as thrill-seekers take up extreme sports for the excitement of putting their lives at risk, Mitt Romney, a serious contender for Most Boring Candidate of the Year, has found a way to relieve the monotony by committing near fatal gaffes. Of course, neither he nor the President are up for any charisma awards. They both lack the winking wit of Bill Clinton, or even the Gomer Pyle gosh-iness of George W. Bush. So how will they manage to entertain us during the debates?

Perhaps they will resort to discussing issues. In that event, we want you to be prepared. So here is a sneak peek at likely topics for the upcoming debates.

The Economy – We’re all familiar with this one. Obama wants to improve the economy by investing in our future. Romney, like any good corporate executive, would deal with it like a corporate executive.

The Middle East – Given the turmoil in the Middle East, and the association with terrorism, this is a very hot topic. Obama will stabilize the Middle East by investing in our future. Romney, in contrast, would deal with it like a corporate executive.

The Environment – This issue has remained on the front burner, despite the fact that most Americans have forgotten what it means. Obama will address our environmental concerns by investing in our future. Romney will solve our environmental issues like a corporate executive.

Wealth Distribution – We’re waiting to see if this actually comes up, given the lingering vestiges of the Occupy Wall Street movement. Obama will, of course, invest in our future. Romney … well, you know the drill.

Hmmm. Maybe they could learn to juggle.

Peter Davis: Mightier

From: The Tech Curmudgeon
http://www.techcurmudgeon.com/2012/09/mightier.html
September 28, 2012 at 01:00AM

Peter Davis: Fitting In

From: The Tech Curmudgeon
http://www.techcurmudgeon.com/2012/09/fitting-in.html
September 27, 2012 at 01:00AM

In this time of political turmoil, I need to speak to you about a matter of pressing importance. I’m referring, of course, to the subject of underwear. Specifically, men’s underwear. Despite years of research, I’m not sufficiently qualified to address the topic of women’s undergarments, except to note that nobody calls them undergarments anymore.

For historical reasons, men’s underwear is divided into two camps, both modelled after professional sports. Specifically, there are jockey shorts and boxer shorts. Apparently the movers and shakers of the underwear world think we should be suitably attired for either horseback riding or punching the crap out of each other. I never see packages of hang gliding shorts or bungee-jumping shorts, though I think these would be a welcome addition to the underwear repertoire.

I have observed lately a kind of hybrid underwear known as boxer briefs. By hybrid, I don’t mean that they’re more fuel efficient, though that may also be true. Hybrid here means they’re like a combination of jockeys and boxers. I’m not sure what athletic performance is the goal of boxer briefs. Perhaps very short boxing matches … say, for example, five rounds.

Our research suggests the rising (or low rising) popularity of boxer briefs may be due to the appearance of the models on the packages. Regular boxer shorts packages feature models who, despite their carefully cultivated physiques, can not help but look like your grandfather. Models for jockey shorts, on the other hand, look like the men who didn’t make the cut for Buns of Steel magazine. Boxer briefs provide the perfect wardrobe … neither too modest nor too showy.

Unfortunately, the briefs only look like that for the duration of the photo session, if that. The problem arises once you try to put on pants. The short, snug-fitting legs of the boxer briefs get rolled up from the action of donning trousers, and consequently cease to be snug-fitting. In fact, when you take off the pants, the underwear look like mini bell-bottoms. (For those of you born after 1973, check Wikipedia.)

This stretching, and the attendant containment issues, make these underwear unsuitable for any sport except the one in which I happen to excel … synchronized TV watching.

Peter Davis: Nerd Word

From: The Tech Curmudgeon
http://www.techcurmudgeon.com/2012/09/nerd-word.html
September 26, 2012 at 01:00AM

Peter Davis: Face the Book

From: The Tech Curmudgeon
http://www.techcurmudgeon.com/2012/09/face-book.html
September 24, 2012 at 01:00AM

Peter Davis: News Flash

From: The Tech Curmudgeon
http://www.techcurmudgeon.com/2012/09/news-flash.html
September 21, 2012 at 01:00AM

Peter Davis: Net Worth

From: The Tech Curmudgeon
http://www.techcurmudgeon.com/2012/09/net-worth.html
September 19, 2012 at 01:00AM

So as far as we can tell, Mitt Romney is worth roughly 200 of you, and Bill Gates is worth about 200 Mitt Romneys, or 40,000 yous. Have a nice life.

Peter Davis: Living Proof

From: The Tech Curmudgeon
http://www.techcurmudgeon.com/2012/09/living-proof.html
September 17, 2012 at 01:00AM

%d bloggers like this: